I write about random sh*t all the time. I write about how crowded the train is, now that school started. I write about global freezing, because whatever the "experts" are calling global warming, I'm always cold. I write about the crazy hours I work and the random stuff that happens to me. Yet, I always tip-toe around my real feelings and go in circles on subjects that really matter. I am scared. Scared, that people that know me personally won't look at me the same. Well, maybe that's not a bad thing, you say. Each of us has a persona that we've developed through many years of practice - maybe you're the I'm always nice despite myself; maybe the dumb blonde that's not so dumb; maybe the shopaholic with a good heart? I can't seem to classify myself because nobody is that one-dimensional, not even my examples.
I'm the workaholic, tough chick. I am driven. I dress well (by everyone's standards but my own). I am a go-getter and a loyal friend. I fight for what I believe in. So, how do I show a sign of weakness? What will that do to my "persona?" What will people think? I am sure that those of my friends/family that follow my blog are thinking, "we know your weaknesses, we know your fragility." I doubt anyone really knows. I don't want to share via public forum, maybe I really do need an anonymous blog - just for an unbiased perspective and it's cheaper than therapy.
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Now this is an interesting topic, I applaud the fact that you even brought this up, because most people are so dedicated to their persona that there is a slim chance on seeing anything beyond that.
ReplyDeleteI know a thing or two about this since I've been tweaking, upgrading and downgrading my persona for years and in all honesty it's still a work in progress.
I understand your desire to just speak about whats on your mind and what you really think and feel but that's not a very easy thing to do and an anonymous blog might not be the answer, granted you might be a little more open about some things while anonymous but you still won't write everything that's on your mind. Realistically I don't think there is ever a moment where a person will divulge all of their private thoughts well maybe in time of a crisis and even that I doubt. I think that none of us are able to let everything go and speak freely and also I think that while probably very refreshing at first it might leave you feeling rather empty since you no longer have any private thoughts or at least at that moment.
The approach I have been using for years has proven to be very effective. We all have different types of friends with different personalities and fronts, some are close friends and some are good friends to talk with even though you are not so close, so what I have done is speak about different things to different people, you can reveal certain information to certain people without divulging unnecessary information and without scrutinizing your established persona, granted you can come up with a lot of arguments for this method but it has been very effective for me, while very far from being perfect it does work to a degree.
Woland, WoW!!!
ReplyDeleteYour comments have gotten to be longer than my posts. From the moment we are conceived, each of us is a work in progress. We grow, we change. Everyone around us grows and changes. People move. People move on. People pass on. We are not the same as we were a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. I know that I'm not "discovering America", here, I'm just trying to make a point. Our persona is what everyone sees, but what's real?? Who sees the real us? Does anyone? Ever?
Your method is great and I think to some degree (for those of us fortunate enough to have friends and family) use some version of this "method." What about a best friend? or a soul mate? Is that even possible? Someone that "knows all about you and likes you anyway?" Someone that loves you for your flaws and your quirks and not your achievements nor looks nor material possessions?
The more I write, the worse my grammar gets, because I'm trying to write the way I speak. Maybe I should try using metaphors and allusions instead of the constant babble that my blog has become. Hmm...
Well what can I say I guess my head has been working much better lately, also my posts maybe be bigger since all of us are so busy lately I can't recall the last time we had any similar conversations in person.
ReplyDeleteAgree we are always changing but some things stay the same or maybe they don't and we just like to think that they do. In reality it depends on what you call real in way nothing is real and in other things can become very real very fast. I don't think anyone sees the real us, if you think about it you don't even see the real you because you always want to be something else, smarter, wiser, taller, richer and so on. While I do think that there are people that you feel an instant bond with and they may know you in and out that changes as well. Basically every once in a while I guess you have to try to have a reality check and decide what is real, but be ware you may not like it.
Because you did not become what you wanted to be when you were a kid dreaming about the future, you became what you are because of the decisions you made along the way and their consequences.
OK now I'm rambling time to wrap this up.
In order to have similar conversations in person, we have to see each other in person. I'm not talking about an accidental run in at Liman or Taci; nor the last time we saw each other, because I was mad at you, so that doesn't count. Also, I'm still waiting for my souvenir, he he.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so here goes...
...getting side tracked with work here, dammit...
...oh, never mind
Interesting post. In a way I think you are talking about two different things: how much of yourself to share in general, and what information to share with those who know you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what has been said so far as to the second point, you reveal what you want to reveal to different people, depending on your relationship. There is a part of me I would never reveal to my boss for example, and I feel little pressure from this form of "information retention" because it is part of everyday life. Similiarly with those I know...some people are privy to some information, others are not, and personally, I don't lose sleep over it because such is life.
However, the first question is key. How much of your true self do you reveal in general, how much do you hold back. And to this, I have to point you in direction of Ayn Rand's Fountainhead. Many use this work as a framework for a political ideology, but first and foremost, it is a philosphy (in novel form) about individualism, and the strength of yourself. One of my favorite quotes ever comes from this book
"To say 'I love you' you must first learn to say 'I.'"
And so (and I realize this is hard and not always possible), you should never hide who you are (weakeness and all) out of fear, or shyness, or concern for who others to react. The people who will judge you for you you ARE should not be around you in the first place. Trust me, you don't want them there. You have to acknowledge who you are, you have to know your identity, and you have to feel free to express it. You don't need an anonymous blog...just be who you are and say what you feel, and express yourself, and let the chips fall where they may. And you will be the better for it.
Having a 'persona' that is different from you is necessary to some degree in certain social situations (dealing with authority figures, navigating work), but otherwise, you should never compromise yourself, regardless.
Who cares if people disagree with you, or don't like you, or are offended, or discover that you are not who they thought you were. You are who you are. Simple.
Just my humble opinion. And if you haven't read it, add Rand to your list.
Now, you know another book to grab on Monday :-)
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